I recently discovered a longer version of "Fascination with Light" that I had forgotten. Do you prefer the shorter or longer version? Please let me know in the comments. I'm torn.
Seeing that you have asked Michael, I prefer one poem and although I’m not academically qualified or schooled, I thought you could rearrange, the sky’s the limit, I guess!
My thought:
. . .and flutters and drifts on in the dark aimless flight
still it returns on incessant wings—
ruthless grey monarch of the night air. . .
I really like the last stanza because you honor the monarch of the night air, and its ruthlessness, the little grey kamikaze that it was born to be.
It’s very cosmic, I burn candles during the day and night and have my whole lifelong, I usually burn one on the window sill during twilight, you know the old way of offering symbolic shelter, and just recently a gray monarch miraculously found its way into my casa, I snapped a pic, the little cutie has what looks like “horns” and it hasn’t ruthlessly kamikazied yet!
I was totally blown away Sir Michael when I read your very gracious and kind words about my non academic poem, Teleology. I get stream of consciousness silly at times because of my silly loving muses, that get noisy and nosy and when that happens, I morph into the merry mystic mistress and think I’m writing a poem, it’s really fun.
It was a near perfect poem before you included the last verse, and it didn't particularly need another verse. But now that it's there and I've read it a few times, I'm torn too. The additional lines are good, too good to lose (yet not totally necessary). Would it be an idea to turn them into a separate poem, a companion piece to 'Fascination with Light', and call it 'A Moth Called Desire' or something like that?
I’m feeling pretty torn myself and do not know how to advise you. On the one hand, I think the your “official” version of the poem is perfect the way it is, but on the other hand, I think this newly-discovered stanza is absolutely phenomenal! All I know is that something must be done with it! I really like Martin’s idea of turning it into a separate poem and lean towards that possibly being the best course of action. It looks like you’ll have some big decisions to make. ;)
Seeing that you have asked Michael, I prefer one poem and although I’m not academically qualified or schooled, I thought you could rearrange, the sky’s the limit, I guess!
My thought:
. . .and flutters and drifts on in the dark aimless flight
still it returns on incessant wings—
ruthless grey monarch of the night air. . .
I really like the last stanza because you honor the monarch of the night air, and its ruthlessness, the little grey kamikaze that it was born to be.
It’s very cosmic, I burn candles during the day and night and have my whole lifelong, I usually burn one on the window sill during twilight, you know the old way of offering symbolic shelter, and just recently a gray monarch miraculously found its way into my casa, I snapped a pic, the little cutie has what looks like “horns” and it hasn’t ruthlessly kamikazied yet!
I was totally blown away Sir Michael when I read your very gracious and kind words about my non academic poem, Teleology. I get stream of consciousness silly at times because of my silly loving muses, that get noisy and nosy and when that happens, I morph into the merry mystic mistress and think I’m writing a poem, it’s really fun.
I appreciate your kind eye and support!
Your fan, Lady Geraldine
I'm glad to have your opinion, most gracious Lady Geraldine.
I think I will keep the last stanza.
I have had ladybirds in my office for the first time, and they seem to like crawling on my monitor.
I did like Teleology, my compliments to your Muses.
Just please don't outstrip my 11,500 publications and all will be well! ;-)
It was a near perfect poem before you included the last verse, and it didn't particularly need another verse. But now that it's there and I've read it a few times, I'm torn too. The additional lines are good, too good to lose (yet not totally necessary). Would it be an idea to turn them into a separate poem, a companion piece to 'Fascination with Light', and call it 'A Moth Called Desire' or something like that?
A Moth Called Desire
Still it returns on incessant wings—
ruthless grey monarch of the night air.
It flutters and stares with huge primitive eyes,
and it sees beyond ruinous nights
to all the loveliness inherent there;
and it sings all the hideous despair
of its unworthiness, in a frenzy of wings;
and its desolate womb holds incurled in silk
the husks of dread kings and pale lovers.
I think two poems is an idea with merit. I've done it with other poems in the past.
Let me know what you come up with.
I will mull things over.
I’m feeling pretty torn myself and do not know how to advise you. On the one hand, I think the your “official” version of the poem is perfect the way it is, but on the other hand, I think this newly-discovered stanza is absolutely phenomenal! All I know is that something must be done with it! I really like Martin’s idea of turning it into a separate poem and lean towards that possibly being the best course of action. It looks like you’ll have some big decisions to make. ;)
It's a good problem to have. I think it will either be two poems, or a poem with an alternate ending.
I’m looking forward to seeing what you decide.
I prefer the second, so people don't have to read the poem twice.
I think that’s a good idea. The additional lines were certainly a most fortuitous discovery.
Yes, like discovering another yummy cookie in the cookie jar when you thought you'd eaten them all!