POPE LEO XIV JOKES

What changes will "da Pope" bring to "da Vatican"? Is this proof God has a sense of humor, besides the platypus, blobfish and 45,000 christian denominations all claiming to be led by the Holy Ghost?

Robert Francis Prevost became the first American-born pope on May 8, 2025. But is the Vatican ready for baseball, hot dogs and mom’s apple pie with a hint of cinnamon? Will we soon have Saint Mike Ditka, Saint Dick Butkus and Saint Michael Jordan?

POPE LEO XIV JOKES
coined by Michael R. Burch

Pope Leo’s first infallible writ:
“Kyle Tucker is God, with a mitt!”

Why is Pope Leo a fan of Chicago’s NFL franchise?
Because in a previous life he was fed to “da Bears.”

Da Pope! Da Bears!
A match made in heaven!
Super Bowl odds for da Bears are skyrocketing!
God, however, being all-wise, is not so optimistic.

Da Pope’s first official act?
Green Bay has been excommunicated.

Not so fast! Pope Leo is a fan of the Bulls, Cubs, White Sox and Bears.
Can we trust his choice of gods?

When Chicago produces a pope,
is it time to give up hope?

It will take the fancy-schmancy Vatican some time to adjust to “Pope Bob,” tailgating every other Sunday, and “deep dish Eucharist.”

Will da Pope replace communion wafers and wine with Chicago dogs and Jeppson's Malört, brewed in Chicago's historic Pilsen neighborhood and said to taste like gasoline and burnt rubber, with hints of grapefruit?

Will da Pope give da Vatican da blues? "The last fellas who came from Chicago, were given a rigorous education in Catholicism, and then claimed to be on a mission from God? They destroyed a suburban shopping mall, wrecked about 300 police cars and ended up in the Joliet penitentiary. Just saying." — David Simon

What color socks does Pope Leo wear?
White Sox, duh.

POPE LEO XIV LIMERICKS

There once was a pontiff named Leo
who tried hard to squelch his libido.
When he stood before God,
Leo felt like a clod,
since He’s fine with a sexy amigo.
—Michael R. Burch

“Why Leo,” inquired the LORD,
“Who gave you (ahem) that small sword?
Although I shan’t rant,
you wasted your talent
and left many miffed misses bored!”

There once was a pontiff named Leo
who preached of a heavenly Trio.
When he stood before God,
Leo felt like a clod
to learn He had only one Ego.
—Michael R. Burch

What is Pope Leo’s faith?
Bulls***, since he preaches “salvation” from a make-believe hell.

There once was a Baptist named Mel
who condemned all non-Christians to hell.
When he stood before God
he felt like a clod
to discover His Love couldn’t fail!
—Michael R. Burch

Well, at least we know god has a sense of humor, despite Catholic popes and Baptist ministers accusing him of infinite evil, every time they say, “Jesus saves, but only those we allow him to save with our theology.”

Funding Fundamentals
by Michael R. Burch

"I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble." — Mark Twain

Making sense from nonsense is quite sensible! Suppose
you’re running low on moolah, need some cash to paint your toes ...
Just invent a new religion; claim it saves lost souls from hell;
have the converts write you checks; take major debit cards as well;
take MasterCard and Visa and good-as-gold Amex;
hell, lend and charge them interest, whether payday loan or flex.
Thus out of perfect nonsense, glittery ores of this great mine,
you’ll earn an easy living and your toes will truly shine!

Originally published by Lighten Up Online