How common the moon is to the whole world, and yet how mysterious, in that it represents different things, at different times, for so many. Sappho’s moon poem is particularly sad and moving because it captures perfectly how it feels to be alone and aging.
The moon has long since set;
the Pleiades are gone;
now half the night is spent
yet here I sleep alone.
—Sappho, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch
That line changes the meaning in that she could now be talking about having no sexual partner to share the night with, whereas the first one is more about being alone and aging . It's a subtle difference, and a difficult question to answer, but I prefer the first version. I found that to be profoundly moving.
I know. It's just that the first version doesn't seem to prioritise that. It's almost as if to sleep together would be enough. I even edited myself in order to try to say this better because the suggestive difference is so slight, but so meaningful at the same time. Anyway, the first version is the one for me. But I understand your dilemma.
How common the moon is to the whole world, and yet how mysterious, in that it represents different things, at different times, for so many. Sappho’s moon poem is particularly sad and moving because it captures perfectly how it feels to be alone and aging.
The moon has long since set;
the Pleiades are gone;
now half the night is spent
yet here I sleep alone.
—Sappho, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch
That is a much-translated poem and to be frank, I like mine best. I have another version that ends "yet here I lie, alone." Which do you prefer?
That line changes the meaning in that she could now be talking about having no sexual partner to share the night with, whereas the first one is more about being alone and aging . It's a subtle difference, and a difficult question to answer, but I prefer the first version. I found that to be profoundly moving.
Both words can suggest sex and also resting, so I'm leaning toward "here I lie, alone" for the alliteration.
I know. It's just that the first version doesn't seem to prioritise that. It's almost as if to sleep together would be enough. I even edited myself in order to try to say this better because the suggestive difference is so slight, but so meaningful at the same time. Anyway, the first version is the one for me. But I understand your dilemma.
When in doubt, I publish both and let readers decide, so I will do so here.
That's a great solution in this case. I found the first version so moving I restacked it immediately.